As some of you may be aware, Melbourne experienced its highest ever recorded temperature on Saturday. The mercury climbed above 46 degrees and the State experienced some of the worst fires in its history. The baking heat and ashen sky created the closest thing I've ever experienced to a vision of hell. At times during the day, I genuinely believed the world was coming to an end. Fortunately, I've spent a great deal of my life contemplating the apocalypse and I have identified seven events that I am convinced will accompany the end-times. The fact that that none of these signifiers of doom appeared during the course of the day gave me hope that the world would indeed continue to turn. For future reference, I believe the following markers will point the way to our destruction:
The Wayans brothers win the Nobel Prize for Chemistry.
The Washington Monument is demolished to make way for a 180-foot bronze statue of Dick Cheney urinating on the Constitution.
The image of Dame Nellie Melba on the Australian $100 note is replaced by a hologram of Vanessa Amorosi.
Friday editions of The New York Times are devoted entirely to opinion pieces by or about Jar-Jar Binks. The paper is renamed The Daily Gungan.
Martin Scorses's gangland epic Goodfellas is adapted into a romantic comedy starring Patrick Dempsey. The film is given the title Maid Men.
Sony Music releases The Complete Works of F Scott Fitzgerald: As Read by Gwen Stefani.
"And the Oscar goes to... Dane Cook for Death of a Salesman."
Tramp fail
15 years ago
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