I spent last night watching Boris Sagal's 1971 sci-fi classic 'The Omega Man'. With respect to the content of the film, I note only its self-evident superiority to the 2007 Will Smith vehicle, 'I Am Legend', a regrettable attempt to adapt the same source material and augment it with shinier special effects. An apocalypse survived only by the Fresh Prince? I'm afraid that stretches credulity. An apocalypse survived only by Moses, on the other hand, has the ring of verisimilitude. What struck me about the film is that Anthony Zerbe's Jonathan Matthias, leader of the horribly mutated, photophobic, technophobic 'survivors' of the aforementioned apocalypse bears an uncanny resemblance to English broadcaster James May:
One of these men is the harbinger of mankind's destruction. The other doesn't know the difference between Maidstone and Maidenhead. But which is which?
I was also fortunate enough to see Guillermo Del Toro's 'Hellboy II: The Golden Army'. Del Toro's extraordinary capacity to breathe life into fairy tales requires no discussion here. However, I had some difficulty following the film's plot. I re-watched Hellboy II this morning and I still don't understand why legendary Texan guitar slinger Johnny Winter was plotting to destroy mankind:
The film would have made more sense if, instead of trying to revive the titular Golden Army, Winter's character had taken it upon himself to heal the rift between the human world and the underworld through the timeless power of raw Texas blues-rock. Failing that, the film should have introduced some kind of enchanted guitar slide forged in the fires of hell which, when united with a solid silver Gibson Firebird purloined from Satan's lutherie on the first day of the Atlanta International Pop Festival in 1969, would reveal to its wielder the secret of the Diminished 5th Chord of Perdition, a source of uncontainable blues energy guarded since the dawn of man by an ageless titan whose body long ago united with that of 'Deborah-Jeanne', a 40-foot long Gibson SG carved at the birth of the universe from mahogany grown on the banks of a lake of fire in the darkest pits of the fifth circle of the underworld and finished with nitrocellulose lacquer so black that hope cannot escape its surface. I'm just saying that to me that would have made a lot more sense.
Finally, I've noticed that Senator John McCain (R-AZ) bears a rather striking resemblance to Sebastian, the singing crab from Disney's 'The Little Mermaid'. I think it's the beady eyes:
This may explain Sen McCain's discomfort with male homosexuality and his persistent opposition to the legalisation of gay marriage. After all, Sebastian sings in one of The Little Mermaid's musical numbers that it is 'better down where it's wetter, take it from me,' a clear assertion of the Republican party's views on the moral superiority of the heterosexual lifestyle.
I apologise to everyone for that last joke. It's rare for a single misdirected attempt at humour to simultaneously offend homosexuals, Republicans, children and crustaceans.
Goodnight everybody!
Your film idea contains a striking similarity to a certain misguided Tenacious D vehicle - albeit with far fewer two-bit drug references. Perhaps you should approach Jack Black with your idea - it would seem he is prepared to appear in anything.
ReplyDeleteYes, I'm afraid my lack of originality has already become apparent. However, I must say that I rather enjoyed The Pick of Destiny. Although I watched Balls of Fury a couple of nights ago and found myself chortling on a number of occasions. I guess I just have an unusually lowbrow sense of humour. I'm still not sure how they managed to get Christopher Walken to play a major role in Balls of Fury...
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